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Superb insults

By Janet Carr on September 14, 2024

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one. George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one. Winston Churchill, in response.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease. That depends, Sir, said Disraeli, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.
He had delusions of adequacy. Walter Kerr
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. Clarence Darrow
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. Moses Hada.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. Oscar Wilde.
I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here. Stephen Bishop
He is a self-made man and worships his creator. John Bright
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. Irvin S. Cobb
He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others. Samuel Johnson
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. Paul Keating
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. Forrest Tucker
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination. Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
He has Van Gogh's ear for music. Billy Wilder
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho Marx.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. Winston Churchill