Where to start? Well we can begin with the phrase much used by politicians avoiding questions: 'but what I will say', and then going on about some issue that bears no relation to the question or statement. Anyone doing this would be made to pick up litter with a pair of tweezers for a week.
Hard landscaping, that euphemism for concreting over a garden will be outlawed. Anyone with a substantial garden will be obliged to grow things in it. Potatoes at the very least.
Supermarkets will be obliged to water any plants they try to sell. Local ones frequently try to sell dead dehydrated plants that someone has spent valuable time nurturing. If they don't water them, then they will not be allowed to sell plants at all.
All cats will have a bell fitted, think of the birds that will be saved.
Companies that close down will be required to relet their building to an approved tennant or to level it to the ground and then make it into a public garden. In order to do this they will have made a substantial deposit to a garden fund when they open, and this fund will be used if they go out of business. Small shops will not come into this category. Not sure what to do about them, but then nobody is.
The mowing of lawns, or grass as I call it, will be outlawed on Sundays, unless one is using a mower without an engine, a simple push cylinder machine. I'm not stuck on Sundays and am willing to negotiate another day.
All leaf blowers will be banned, a scheme for replacement of such things will supply the owners with a suitable brush.
Decorators will be obliged to wear clean overalls, why is it that they seem to look like they've got in the way of Jackson Pollock at times. It gives the impression that they might not be very good with the brush.
Motor manufacturers will be obliged to fit devices that make it impossible to use a mobile phone when the vehicle is in motion. Sorted! Yes, that means the passengers too. Talk to each other.
Anything not made from tea will not be allowed to be called tea, because it's not tea. Small but important.
The use of numerals in company names will be outlawed, see my previous post ' I blame Winston Churchill'.
Anyone with a job title with more than one word in it will be required to rename the job title using just one word, so a customer service manager will be called a salesperson ( man or woman or not sure these days I suppose ) Prime Minister will be an exception, I'll consider others.
So there you have it, my manifesto. It's a work in progress so may well be amended over time.
One last thought, as we have a general election coming up, you'd think that if you were going to call a general election a glance at the weather forecast might persuade you to get someone with an umbrella to be with you at the time, or at the very least get your raincoat out. So when the canvassers come round asking for my vote that's my first question. A damp Prime Minister is not a good look. Won't happen when I'm there.
This will become a thing of the past
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