The first full week of March this year was a big huge whirlwind for myself and my husband. We had been on a waitlist to adopt a baby for over a year and finally 'got matched', as they say, at the beginning of March. We adopted not one baby, but two -- twin boys, five weeks premature. Like I said, it was a whirlwind of emotions and events.
Saturday, March 9th found us in the NICU room at a local hospital meeting our sons and deciding on names for them. After deciding on names we went back to the room that the hospital had prepared for us and slept as much as we could, still trying to take in everything that had happened the past few days, from receiving the matching document from the agency, saying yes to having them show our profile book to the birth mom, having the birth mom get induced and having her chose us to raise her children while she was in labor, to finally meeting the babies and becoming parents. You can read how all that happened here.
Later that morning, after sleeping and Adam showering, we went back to see the boys in the NICU. One of the boys was off the oxygen and I was surprised at how quickly he was able to be weaned from oxygen. That was a hopeful sign. Both the boy's vitals looked good, and they were both strong and healthy, about five pounds each, which I thought was a decent weight for premature twins. We stayed in the NICU for a while, bonding with the boys. One of the reasons the birth family wanted us at the hospital when they were born was so that we could bond with them. I had never had the experience of bonding with a baby as a mom before, but I knew how extremely important it was, especially for NICU babies. And we suddenly had two of those.
After being with the boys for a while, Adam and I needed a break so we went to a nearby food place and picked up some lunch, stopped at the cutest Starbucks I've ever seen (Like, no joke. The place reminded me of a quaint English tavern in a storybook or fairy tale) to get some much needed caffeine (Drip coffe for Adam, black tea for me, please) and sat in our car to eat Chinese take out. We had reached out to an adoption lawyer earlier that day and as we ate luch the lawyer called us back and we retained his services. The highlight of that conversation was that he wasn't going to charge us extra for twins. 🙂 After lunch we took a long, long walk at the biggest park in St. Louis. It felt good to stretch our legs and talk about everything that had happened. Then, back to the hospital.
Our adoption worker met us in our hospital room later in the afternoon and she went with us to meet the boy's birth mom that day. She wanted to meet us and we wanted to meet her. There was some trepidation for me as we walked down the hall to her room. What was she like? What did she look like? Would she resemble the boys? Would we get along? She chose us to raise her boys from a book, she had never met us until then. Adam and I were both nervous as we met with her, her sister and the two adoption workers, but the conversation went smoothly, if mostly facilitated by the birth mom worker from the agency. We discussed the boys names; the birth mom had picked out their middle names. We had some other light, friendly, get-to-know you chit chat and then took a picture together. The birth mom was super sweet. My heart went out to her, having had a traumatic birthing experience she was now doing the very brave thing of placing her adorable twins up for adoption. She knew she couldn't take care of them and she wanted them to have the best possible life. She wanted them to have sports and education opportunities and to grow up in a Christian household, going to church and knowing Jesus.
After our first meeting with the birth mom we left and Adam said that adoption was the best thing for the boys. I agreed. The birth mom was sweet, but also truly not able to care for the boys and was understanding of that reality. Yes, as hard, hard, hard as it was to place them for adoption, she did the right thing for them, for her and even for us. I feel like saying that is perhaps selfish or mean, but it isn't. Everyone involved in this story -- birth family, adoption agency, lawyers, us -- love these boys and want the best for them and we are all agreed that adoption is the best, if hardest, choice.
The next two weeks found us in the NICU every single day. We got very familiar with the hospital. The free parking garage which was a huge blessing as sometimes we had to leave and come back more than once a day. Scrubbing up to get into the NICU became routine and we got much better at timing ourselves for two minutes. We were able to get the code for the NICU lounge, which became our lunch break place. The NICU receptionists got to know us, the nurses got to know us, the social worker got to know us, the chaplains got to know us. Since we had the NICU bracelets on that they had given us the day the boys were born it gave us 24/7 access to the NICU. The bracelets really were our 'golden ticket' as there were a few times the receptionist was new and would double check our bracelets for the boys information and if we really were allowed in. Which, I am thankful that the receptionists were on their job and were keeping the NICU unit safe for everyone.
The twins were in the NICU mostly because they were premature at thirty-four weeks and six days. They needed to develop more, have a little extra personal attention and learn how to feed. Their feeding was really the biggest issue. They both had feed tubes in for almost the whole two weeks they were there. The boys being in the NICU though, as difficult as it was leaving them every evening, was a big blessing for us. Having been suddenly thrust into parenting and having nothing ready at home, or even of how to care for one newborn, let alone two newborns, gave us the time we needed to get our house ready for their homecoming and also to train us as new parents. The time we spent at the NICU was invaluable, both in regards to bonding time and learning the ropes as adoptive parents. It really was a gift from God.
The day before the boys came home one of our favorite nurses was on duty and she was so super helpful in giving us all the much needed tips and tricks for caring for babies and was vrey open to us asking all the questions and giving us answers. We also learned how to give babies a bath that day, so they'd be nice and clean when the left the hospital.
The day the boys came home was a Saturday and I was ready for their NICU time to be over. They were feeding very well, gaining weight and had both passed their car seat tests with flying colors. I felt I had been doing nothing for those two weeks, besides trying to get things ready at home, except hold babies. If you know me, as much as I love to hold babies, I like to be a little more active during the day than just sitting! It was kind of a challenge to be in the NICU eight hours a day, and as much as I was thankful for their time there, I was very much looking forward to bringing them home. The boys were discharged and we packed them in their car seats and wheeled them in Radio Flyer wagons down to the side entrance of the hospital, myself and two nurses while Adam brought the car around. We loaded them into the car and I sat in the back with them, to keep an eye on them. They were, after all, so, so tiny still. And then, we were off.
Real life parenting had begun.
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