Glimmers

Janet Carr

February 2

People sometimes expect a happy life and are disappointed when they don't get one. But for me, all the small happy moments accumulated – strung together like pearls on a necklace – make up a happy life. Happiness is not always in the epic. It is usually in the mundane. It can be

a good, book
a cup of tea on a rainy day
a delicious apple
a cat purring
sunshine after a rainy week
finally feeling good after a bad cold
a particularly nice soak in the bathtub
a great bowel movement (don't knock one of the great pleasures in life)
coming inside from a cold wet commute
a smile or a compliment from a stranger
a delicious slice of carrot cake
knowing I have a roof over my head that doesn't leak, a full tummy and a warm bed to sleep in
the bus coming on time and not being overfull

I always try to find the happiness in the everyday, the humdrum. I think bad moments make us appreciate the good moments more, just as having been sick, we appreciate those first few days without fever and when nothing hurts. People often comment how enthusiastic I am about small things. I believe that is because I know what is is like to have nothing and no one. In some ways my trauma has allowed me to appreciate life and health more. Even bad days can have several great moments in them, if you look. And once you start looking, you find more and more.

I recently read an article about 'glimmers' a term coined by clinical social worker Deb Dana. Her 2018 book The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, describes glimmers as micro moments that makes us feel safe and calm. This is particularly helpful for people who have experienced trauma.

The thing I love about glimmers is that, working with trauma survivors, it's so respectful of their suffering. It allows them to understand that their biology is wired in a way that we don't discount the trauma or the crisis or the ongoing suffering, but we recognize that their biology is exquisitely set up to be able to also notice the micro moments of goodness.

What we've discovered is as you begin to see a glimmer, you begin to look for more. It's just what we do... and we then delight in finding them. That's your nervous system beginning to shape toward the patterns of connection that are inherently waiting in there to be deepened and brought alive.