2023 by January's Standards

Rebecca

Dec 30

For two years in a row now, I have come to write a reflection piece at the end of the year, and when looking at my intentions post from the beginning of the year, it seems like I was writing from another country. I wrote a learning plan for 2023, and wow, you guys. I am not even the same person I was when I wrote that!

At that time, I organized my goals into "I Need, I Will, and I Want." I can see now where I was coming from when I wrote those.

I Need

These were the areas where I felt the most obligated to grow, and put a certain amount of pressure on myself, but didn't see much movement in. Here's what I wrote last year:

These are items which I am not naturally inclined to do, and which have suffered particularly in the last seven months, but which are very important to me finding the balance and energy to get up and do what has to be done. These are the items on which I need action steps and accountability, and where I need to do some questioning and reflection to make sure things are working for me.

What

Exercise, especially walking the dogs.

Eating healthy food in appropriate amounts

Making time to be with Jesus

Positive time with our family

Basic level of house cleaning

How

Working on a morning and evening routine (#3 and #5 above especially, #1 when it's warmer)

How can I encourage myself to get to bed earlier? What is in the way?

Keep in mind that we are constantly adapting to the seasons – living in the arctic isn't always about the cold, it's about extreme change

Shifting habits around vacation, summer, weather

Staying limber, aware of the basic needs, but moving where they fall

Having enough flexibility to accommodate sickness, busy seasons

Become more alert to my eating patterns, especially emotional eating

Work towards more sustainable meal planning

Difference between ideals and goals

Prioritize going to the cabin

Teach kids to help more with tidying and cleaning

Growth area: practice picking up after myself right away

What tools will help with this?

Vacuuming every day?

Overall values:

Being aware when unhealthy patterns creep up.

Being alert to when my energy is being drained by workaholic tendencies or coping mechanisms.

Putting a hard stop on when necessary to avoid burnout.

Being open to new directions.

Being aware of manic energy spikes.

Practicing patience, fighting idleness with real rest

You know, in a lot of ways I'm still right where I started with these goals. I was right that those are areas important to my health and well-being that need growth. What I did all year was I worked on awareness on these issues. I used a 15-a-day practice on Instagram to reaffirm those goals most days, and be kind to myself when they weren't working.

The end result, I think is that I'm aware that I still have the same problems, but I just have no guilt about them whatsoever. I have thought about them every day, and accepted myself whether or not I had good movement or accomplishment.

A couple other things happened that served to break my ability to be hard on myself. In the spring, we had some family drama that led to some trauma and burnout that really threatened our family's well-being. We worked through it, but golly gee, I have way less space for nonsense. I also learned a whack-ton about ADHD and neurodivergence. So many issues that I've struggled with over the years aren't character flaws; they're just how my brain works. So I can be much, much more patient with myself.

And part of it is just approaching middle age. It's just the no-duh fact that took 38 years to drill down into my privileged bones that I am not going to do everything. And that's not just OK - it's great. FOMO is still there, but we face it with grief and acceptance and kindness, not anxiety and pressure.

Self Care

What this subhead is really about is self-care. Here's what happened this year that worked for me:

Using Instagram to tell my own story in a micro fashion every day. This is the best use of social media for me. It's not posturing or bragging; it's retelling my story - for myself as much as for anyone else, but publicly, which makes a real difference. It's a tiny journal, a micro-reflection that makes me interrogate my priorities every day, and hopefully be honest with myself. And, small as it is, it is a little bit of accountability. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered to do my little bit of spinning or food prep because I knew I would make that post.
Giving up recipes. I've always had kind of a weird thing about recipes - I want to consume them! It's that FOMO thing again, wanting to have every experience. But thanks to Rachel pointing me in her direction, I started using Broccoli Mum's meal plans for food ideas. Her recipes are just not recipes. And in making those things, I've realized - I know how to cook. I can just... make stuff. I'm not always making her super-healthy stuff; I've also re-focused on going back to those meals that the kids actually like, and having all the wins I can.
Letting go of exercise. I want this back. I really do. For lots of reasons. But exercise just hasn't clicked for me yet. I've accepted that's just not where I am right now. I keep it in my 15-a-day because sometimes it works, and I feel so much better when I do. But there's not as much of a *plan*.

Potato and steamed veggies for breakfast - I must have felt extra virtuous this day.

I've just stopped forcing things. Things will happen when they're ready to happen. There's a time to push and work hard. But you can tell, in your heart of hearts, whether you're pushing because you're ready, or whether you are pushing against reality. Not everything has to be overcome. Some things need to be grieved.

We introduced the kids to the book of Proverbs the other day, which was fun for conversation. But the one this brings to mind is, "People make plans in their hearts, but the Lord puts the correct answer on their tongue. ... Commit to the Lord everything you do. Then he will make your plans succeed" (Proverbs 16:1, 3). It would be easy to read that second one as saying, if you do anything committed to the Lord, it'll work out. But it's more like, if your priorities are committed in the right place, your plans will follow that commitment. Fair?

I Will

I think what I meant here was "Work." I was really excited about getting into actually working this year, putting some creativity out into the world, and rightly so. Here's what actually happened:

Ministry

At the beginning of the year, I was preaching or leading every Sunday, in addition to providing children's content. As part of the aforementioned burnout/trauma in the spring, I realized that was way too much. I am not paid as a minister at our church, we have a small congregation, and we have kiddos. Family Discipleship Night wasn't meeting as much of a need as I thought, and our volunteer bench was just not deep enough to make it sustainable. So here's what happened instead:

For Sundays, I prep a craft that we will enjoy. No kids talk, though sometimes I'll whisper a tiny lesson to them in the back.
Dooner's preschool shut down in March, and the school head donated a ton of craft supplies. I'm continually reoganizing and refreshing them, and in the spirit of cooking without recipes above, sometimes we just do stuff. I do prefer a plan though, for when I'm not feeling inspired on Sunday morning, and even the simplest ideas do better with prep.
I don't lead church anymore. I miss leading the Eucharist; it's the one time I really feel like a priest. But if I have to lead, like if Jared's out of town on a Sunday, I'll only do it if I get a babysitter. The kids aren't quite ready to be at church without me being really there for them.
I might preach once every couple of months. It's good for me. I hope it's good for the people.

My prayer, coming out of a tough spring, was for a support system. What did happen, which was very cool, was that Alide and I started a Monday night craft group at the local library. With lots of support from the organization that runs the library. I've made some new friends there, which is very cool.

Knitting

Secret project knitting continued more or less on schedule, though we had some shipping snafus that slowed me down. I'm not even going to tell you what I have left to do in January, because it's going to be a crunch. But not impossible, which is awesome! And a lot of big test knitting has happened this year!

The full range of Milarrochy Tweed by Kate Davies Designs, which I'll be using exclusively for my book.

There's one really cool thing I can tell you now - KDD developed some new shades of Milarrochy Tweed as part of their Advent calendar this year, and Kate sent me the new colours and encouraged me to use them. Those are all public now, so you can check them out. It'll still be a while before I'm ready to show you very much. The lead time is long - I started a year and a half ago, and it'll still be over a year before we're ready to publish so you'll have to be content with vague hints for now.

Sewing

I did, somehow, some way, finish Dooner's quilt. The quilting is super-basic, but I don't care anymore! It's a quilt!

Wool n' Spinning

This encompasses dyeing, spinning, recording, editing, planning, writing, knitting, photographing, and all the other stuff that goes into The Wool Circle, Spinning Staples, and being Rachel's right hand woman. This is probably the area where I saw most growth and success, where I put in the most work, and generally got the most joy. I get to express myself creatively, make with purpose, get all the meaning in my making that comes from doing it for and with others, and (this is important) I'm not the head honcho. Here are some of the goals I set:

Spinning/WnS content:

Continue to learn and grow in making better video content - check
- More advanced setup - check
- Live streaming trial - check but not happening at present, for good reasons. No worries!
- Also - streamlined TWC process, get in a groove and be less nervy about it
Grow existing skills on handcards, hand combs, drum carding, and combo drafting - check
Year of Colour:
- Explore the "base ingredients" of colour by working, recording, and leading a selection of exercises from Color in Spinning by Deb Menz- check
- Spin lots of tiny samples to that end – probably 10-20/month, but all very small, mostly fatty singles taht will take about 15 minutes - check
- Watch Debbie Held's blending board class on SOS and practice making and sampling lots of fiber on the blending board by the end of Q2 - check
- How to demos - check
- Communication so others can participate - check though it didn't carry through the year; learned a lot about what to expect from pacing studies.
- Also: The hexies project was born, and brought 90% to completion.
All the stuff under the "Dyeing" header - check
Spinning Staples zoom group - check, though I had to learn the hard way in lots of things. High hopes for next year.
Wool n' Spinning Radio - check though I have a lot to practice for when it's my turn to host.

The Unexpected

Work took a left turn this spring - I totally dropped the cake business. It was time. It was a good run, and I used the savings to jump start other opportunities.

I also started another job - working as the Administrator of the Arthur Turner Training School. This is very part time, and right now we're in that weird place where my boss and the person I'm replacing are too busy to pass off their tasks for me. But I do what I can, and it turns out I'm kinda good at it. I'm working with some really good people, and I'm working for what actually brought us up here, so... that's awesome.

I Want

This is where I put my just-for-fun making. To be honest, this category isn't really necessary right now. My work is mostly making and making-adjacent, and it does feed my creative needs. I do still have stash to work through. I did buy another sweater quantity of yarn, and spun one too! Eep! But knitting for the Wool Circle and for the Secret Project dominated. And were super fun!

With the end of my hexie blanket and the Secret Project in my sights, I think I'll have time for some just-for-fun knitting again soon. Work will become more the computer-stuff as I edit, publish, and promote. Then I'll need those other projects.

You know what I did that fell into this "I Want" category? Impulse projects. Sewing projects, especially. In-between-things knits and spins. Learning to spindle. These are things I didn't plan. Their being unplanned was part of what made them energizing and restorative.

In a lot of ways, the prognostications I made last year were wise. They were very relevant to the first several months of the year - a time when I'm at home a lot, indoors a lot, and appreciate the focus and positivity. I can be very productive during that season.

Have a safe and healthy celebration of New Year's Eve! I'll be back tomorrow, still reflecting on 2023, but more from the perspective I have from right now!