Often, in life, one of the main questions we hear, and are asked, starting when we are children and especially when we are teens and going into college, is, 'What do you want to do with your life?'
We hear this question over and over and over again. It comes from outside sources: well-meaning parents, other family members, our friends and acquaintences, counselors at school, social media, 'What do you want to do?'
It comes from inside us too, maybe stemming from what we see and hear around us. We ask ourselves 'What do I want to do with my life?' We think and ponder and agonize over this question, especially when we are teenagers and in our early twenties.
THIS, this doing, this 'What do I want to do?' seems like the MOST important decision in life. It may seem, or be, all-consuming at times. I know that I personally have struggled with this question often enough throughout my life.
The question comes regularly, not only in big, career-making decisions, but in small ones too.
'What do you want to do tonight?', is a question my husband and I ask each other often.
'What should I do about this situation?'
'What do I want to do today?'
'What do I want my life to look like?'
Sometimes the question looks a little different, as in, 'What do I want to be when I grow up?'. That seems to be more a question children ask themselves as they play...or at least I, my siblings and neighbors did when we were kids. 'I want to be a fireman!', 'I want to be a nurse!', 'I want to be a teacher!', we'd say. Our choices of what we wanted to be in life were mostly limited to fireman, nurse or teacher. 
This question varies in situations and circumstances, but it seems to always be some version of, 'What do I want to do?'.
But what if the question was different?
What if, instead of, 'What do I want to do in life?' we asked ourselves, 'WHO do I want to BE?'
This goes beyond the childhood playtime question of wanting to 'be' a fireman, nurse or teacher.
This question, 'Who do I want to be', popped into my head yesterday after a long day at work. I had been struggling with a mild migraine for two days and I felt stressed and anxious and tired, looking forward to a day 'off' today (Off in quotation marks because I always have something to do).
'This is not how I want to live my life,' I thought.
Oftentimes I feel angry inside, or stressed, or tired, or run down, or really just not enjoying my life. I feel ticked off about this or that or the other, I feel annoyed at this person or that person, I have a hard time sleeping so I'm not getting the rest I need to feel calm during the day, I feel selfish, I feel I judge people too much, or I don't want to go to work, or I wish this or that in my life were different. Maybe you can relate??
But I don't want to live this way.
I don't want to live stressed, or angry, or mad, or judgy or caught up in the doing, doing, doing...always...doing...
WHO do I want to BE?
I want to be someone who is kind, loving, generous, compassionate, calm, confident. I want to be someone who enjoys the nuances of every day living, with all the ins and outs and surprises that comes with each day. I want to be someone who enjoys the sunset with my husband, who stops and listens when others are talking, to really hear and understand. I want to be someone who gives, someone who makes others feel comfortable. I want to be someone who celebrates others, who loves others around me.
WHO do I want to BE?
HOW do I want to live my life?
As I think about my life, as I become gradually older and I think about the future...who do I want to be in ten, twenty or thirty years? How do I want to live my life?
This is way beyond the, 'What do I want to do with my life?' or 'What should I do with my life' question. This is deeper, most intentional.
This is being kind to my co-workers at a job I don't love. I am not saying I am mean or unfriendly...but I could be kinder and I could be more friendly. I could create more of an atmosphere of community and cammaderie. I could be not quite so focused on my task at hand.
This is listening to my nieces and nephews and respecting them. I am not saying I don't listen or respect them, but I could give attention to another layer of respect and listening before speaking.
Hear me on this though: When I ask the question, 'Who do I want to be?' I am NOT guilt-tripping myself into TRYING to be nicer, kinder or more loving. It is not saying I SHOULD BE this way because this is the RIGHT thing to do.
NO. That is not it. There are no SHOULDS or COULDS with this. There is no guilt involved with this question.
Instead, this question is more of bringing into an awareness of HOW I live my life, paying closer attention to WHO I desire to be, who I want to be when I think of my future or when look back over my life. Was I who I wanted to be, regardless of what I did, career-wise?
I feel this ties in with what I wrote about last year...this being and not doing. You can read those posts here, here and here.
For now, my friend, I will leave with with this question: Who do YOU want to be?
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