"Netting a brace?"

pauldaviescartoons

Mar 26

I'm quite a keen football fan, I watch a fair amount on telly, but don't go to games, I like to see the replay. The downside of telly footy is pundits. Seemingly bad tempered Irishman telling us how he used to kick people all over the park. I reckon that he's a "put upon" complaint type at home and it's all a big act. However bad boys do much better on telly than the good ones.

There's the TV pro introducing these pundits with fake bonhomie because it is, in some cases, apparent that the two ex footy guys in front of him regard this pro broadcaster as beneath contempt. You can see it in the body language. He's done his degree in broadcasting and media, they've qualified by coming through lower leagues, training on waterlogged pitches handy to the prison and getting kicked every Saturday until they get paid enough to fund a serious betting habit at 21 and have now retired. With viewers only vaguely remembering who they played for and likely to forget completely quite soon. Forging a career on telly might now be the only avenue open to them. This media geek in front of them knows nothing about football in their minds apart from the stats.

There are exceptions of course, Lineker obviously likes Shearer and Richards. Richards should be made into a National treasure with his infectious guffawing. He seems to be thinking to himself that he cannot believe that he's being paid to do this stuff. It's the other ones on the other channels that look and sound like Alan Partridge.

Then there's written reporting, players don't simply score two goals, they "net a brace" Aaaaaargh. Stoppit! Just stop it.

They say that comedy is at its best when it's close to the truth. A look at the IT crowd is proof of this. The one where they discuss software that will replicate "Footy Talk" is very close to reality. Many of these lesser pundits have had the software installed. They should be switched off and not switched back on again. Unbolted rather than re booted.

Back of the net!