Feels like First Day of Summer

Paula Beardell Krieg

Jul 22

One hundred years ago yesterday my father was born. I hear his voice and see his smile like it was just yesterday that he was here. Somehow, then, it seems fitting that today feels like a fresh page has turned for me.

I feel good today ,I have felt good today, all day, for the first time in months.

Early June I had a sore throat. Felt wretched the next day. Next day tested positive for Covid: classic breakthrough case. While I don't have much memory of ever being dreadfully sick (memory from that time is blurry and unreliable), the post active-infection effects lingered.

My doctor's stance discouraged me from taking Paxlovid. She said it could cause nausea and other side effects, said that if she thought I was at risk of being hospitalized that she'd recommend it, that there were shortages of it and others might need it more than me, though she left the final decision to me. I declined. I got better on my own, but it may have happened faster with the Paxlovid, I just don't know if it would have made a difference.

I'm writing the following lines to offer what was helpful to me.

When I first got sick, and word got around among a small circle, I got quite a few email messages from people. It was wonderful to get emails from people during this time. The emails I loved the most were chatty, and which gave me something to respond to. I was very virtually chatty for awhile, and loved the exchanges I had with people. Talking on the phone was no good for me. Speaking was just too much of an effort. Email was great. Thank you my darlings!

A few weeks after getting sick I called my Lebanese cousin in Boston (note: Lebanese cousin means anyone who I am maternally related to with whom I might share any amount of common blood) . My concern was that I was just so tired all the time, and that it felt like the fatigue had moved in for good.

My cousin, who had been there and back, told me to listen to the fatigue and rest. She gave me the expectation that I would be well again one day, and that it might take 2 months to get to the other side.

While it's hard to feel like wellness will ever come again when all I wanted to do was watch videos. read, and sleep, at least her words gave me something to hold on to. Her words were helpful.

Which brings me to the next scary sensation: I had a complete lack of interest in anything and was thoroughly unmotivated to do anything. Covid-brain?

Thank goodness I have access to Hulu and Amazon Prime Movies. I spent hours a day absorbed in them, especially in the evenings so I wouldn't fall asleep at 6 pm, just to find myself wide awake at 10:30 pm. (Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids is such fun, and Kirk can actually play a role other than The Captain). I also did a good bit of reading. Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom was a good one for me to start with. It bugged me, though, that I had no interest, none at all, in doing anything with my hands.

The most recent book I finished was Breath by James Nestor.

My breath was most definitely impacted while I was sick, so this book spoke directly to my heart.

I know many people who have read Breath, and have walked away with something of great value. Same here. My favorite exercise from book is to breathe in (through the nose) for four counts, hold for two (so that the lungs have that much longer to absorb oxygen) then repeat on the out-breath. Doing series of breaths like this was helpful in getting my lungs fully back on-line. These breaths feel good to me.

As the fatigue waned, creative urges slowly began to reemerge.

When I felt the first slightest tug of interest in anything outside of Boston Legal (starring James Spader & William Shatner) I clung on to it like a life raft. As I've inched towards firm ground again, I've realize I didn't have to be concerned. It has finally occurred to me that it was a kindness on the part of the muses to leave me alone for awhile so that that I could simply rest.