[New post] You only believe it because you have evidence for it

You only believe it because you have evidence for it

Claire Hernandez

Aug 1

"I do not think that I'm gonna make it by the end of the week."

These are my thoughts every Monday since April 2022, the start of my second semester at university. Alongside my uni, I also enrolled in a graphic design class outside of my university so all in all, these past three to four months had been a lot of work. Every Monday when I get a batch of new deadlines and things to do, I look at my to-do list and think, 'I think I'm gonna die before I even accomplish all of this."

And every end of the week, I would be shocked when I looked back at my to-do list, all or 90% of them are already crossed out. At first, I was terrified every Monday because of the number of tasks that I have to accomplish for the week, but then when I notice that pattern of mine of how I get so scared every Monday. I suddenly was less terrified, not to the point that I feel relaxed but more of, in the line of, 'I've felt this last week and the other week and the weeks before, I will make it by the end of the week and get through this all.' So while I still feel scared and have doubts that I may not make it to the end of the week, I believe in myself now more that I knew that whatever happened in the week, it always works out and I always made it through.

In his 3-2-1 newsletter, author James Clear shared, "Whatever your identity is right now, you only believe it because you have proof of it. If you go to church every Sunday for twenty years, you have evidence that you are religious. If you study biology for one hour every night, you have evidence that you are studious. If you go to the gym even when it's snowing, you have evidence that you are committed to fitness. The more evidence you have for a belief, the more strongly you will believe it."

In retrospect, maybe I don't believe in myself so much about my ability to get through these challenges because I just do not have evidence backing up for it. I did not think that I could pursue graphic design with my uni classes at the same time and I was so terrified that I would fail in both because I haven't done it before. It's crazy to think how there are many things in my life that I am scared to pursue and that's because the fear of failure keeps stopping me from going for it—when most of the time, its because I just don't have evidence or experience in the past that provides evidence that I made through this and if ever do or encounter it again, I could make it through. Hence if I continue taking risks in pursuing my curiosities, I have no doubts that I will still be terrified—I do not think it ever goes away—but alongside that feeling, my belief that I could go through it just like I had since I was put into this world, is greater now since I already have experiences backing up for it.

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[New post] july wrap up: lots of reading and a documentary.

july wrap up: lots of reading and a documentary.

Shanna

Jul 31

I saw a commercial the other day for Halloween at Disneyland and all I could think was that summer has barely even started and they are already talking about Halloween. It feels like summer took so long to get here and now it's almost over. Although, I do have to confess that we are at the end of a heatwave in Seattle and I am longing for some cooler weather so I definitely can't wait for summer to wrap up.

I wasn't really productive this month as I finally caught COVID. I went 2 1/2 years without catching it and then all of a sudden I woke up one morning not feeling so great. I was out of commission for at least 2 weeks, with isolating and waiting until my test finally came back negative. I saw a lot of the inside of my apartment this month... Here is my monthly wrap-up of some of the other things I was up to in the month of July.

What I'm reading:
I read 11 books this month. I'm not entirely sure how that happened, but I'm not surprised. When I had COVID I basically did nothing but read and watch YouTube, mainly because there was nothing else to do. I've been reading a series by Barbara Freethy called Off the Grid: FBI Series. It's a romantic suspense series that centers around a group of FBI agents and their colleagues. The series has 11 books in it right now and I think I am up to book 9. I'm really enjoying this series - the books are fast-paced and easy to read with some great and complicated characters.

What I'm watching:
I watched The Gray Man on Netflix. It was your average action movie with shootouts and explosions and people double-crossing other people. I didn't find anything especially amazing about it but a lot of people liked it so it has some appeal. I also watched a documentary on Netflix called Girl in the Picture. I had heard about this documentary so I kind of knew what it was about, but I didn't know the whole story and it was wilder than I expected. I actually really like the documentaries that Netflix produces; they seem to be well researched with a lot of interviews with people who are in the know. I definitely keep Netflix around because of its documentaries.

What I'm planning:
Most of my July goals kind of fell to the wayside after I got COVID. For instance, I had an exercise goal and a walking goal that absolutely did not get met as I was stuck in my apartment for part of the month. I was also wary about any sort of exercise because I didn't want to overwork my lungs so I have just been taking it easy. I also had a goal of taking a picture outside every day but that didn't happen either. I am a bit bummed but I think I am going to repeat all my goals in the next month. I am trying to not look at it as a failure or setback since there were a lot of things out of my control. I know can still accomplish what I've set out to do, it just might take me an extra month or so.

See you next month!

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