This is an important disclaimer: I love bugs. They're fascinating, beautiful, and remarkably effective at their lives, probably, if we're being honest, way more effective than I am at my life.
There is one – and only one – bug that I despise with the fire of a thousand suns. I have to give myself pep talks to deal with it. "Okay, Deb, after you remove this bug, you can have a nice cry and a cookie. Two cookies. An entire roll of Thin Mints."
No. I am not going to tell the entire internet which bug gives me the shivers. I may be a chronic over-sharer but I'm not crazy. I know that one of you bastards would immediately order me an insect lore grow kit and I'd have thousands living in my space.
Now, the reason for the disclaimer:
I was all tucked up in bed last night, reading a new-to-me book (The Bookshop Around the Corner by Jenny Colgan–excellent so far). Admittedly, it was after midnight and I was starting to feel a little sleepy….just go with me. It's going to get really spicy in three, two, one
I roll over and … HEY, there's a spider dangling an inch or so from my nose. (I wear contacts and can only see about to the end of my nose without them … thus my very accurate measurements of spider distances.)
As we've already covered, I have no fear of spiders. However, what I discovered last night is that I am easily startled by bugs dangling in front of my face while I'm lying in bed.
The unfortunate result of my scrambled leap out of bed – the spider was attached to my arm – is that I accidentally flung the spider, who was evidently as surprised by the whole situation as I was.
So, let's, for just a moment, revisit the point I made about how poor my vision is when I'm not wearing my contacts. It's after midnight. I am blind as a bat – blinder than a bat since I have no working sonar. I have just flung a spider the Lord alone knows where but definitely in the direction of my bed.
What now? Do I CLIMB INTO BED? Well, yes, yes, I do. Because I am not afraid of spiders. It's not like I can burn the house down … it's full of sleeping kids and pets. So, I just climb into bed and curl up.
I did text one of my kids though, warning him that I would likely be spider detritus by dawn, Arachnophobia-esque. He was remarkably unconcerned. I guess he's not afraid of spiders either.
No comments:
Post a Comment